I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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