I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
