bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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