Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
soo... how was my night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
