yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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