I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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