Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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