I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
