I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
