I heard we made out
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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