you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
