I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
