I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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