i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
