Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
