Do you still have your period?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
