I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
