You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
