Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
