you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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