I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I deserve this hangover.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
