So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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