So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
