Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
