For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
