i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
