hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
