You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
