So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
