We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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