Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
