He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
