Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
