Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
