It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
