Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
