i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
