____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize