Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
