Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
