It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
