So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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