i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize