if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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