Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
