I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will be naked everywhere
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
