Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
