I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
