If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
