Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
