I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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