She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we're making bets on your personal life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
