took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize