porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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