I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
