Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
