why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
