I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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