just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm like, not good at living.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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