are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
How does one acquire holy water?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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