Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
