He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
