Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
