If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
