lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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