we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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