Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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