wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
