Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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