There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize