Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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